His lawyer argued, to no avail, that he presents zero threat to the public safety, given his stolen base numbers.

Pictured: Head of NFL Social Media Promotions

Aaron Smalls went 10-0 in a season. You’re absolutely right.

Rose was quick to point out he never had sex with the teen aged daughters of fans of his own team.

To be fair, both are activities where you’re penalized for using your hands...

Unions serve mainly to benefit the workaday members, not the superstars.

The person in the office has no respect, so Fuck that.

Born from the cream, die by the cream. That’s what my grandma always says.

True story: my aunt, uncle and cousins lived in a mansion that backed up to the woods. One day, while out for a walk, my aunt stumbled upon a cute little raccoon, a few days old, seemingly orphaned. She picked up the cute little guy, brought him back to their house, and fed it with an eyedropper. The little guy made a…

That is an actual thing on Everest. It’s located on the other side in communist China. The only thing is, it’s overcrowded with bros who just took up mountaineering a few months ago and now act like they know everything there is to know about mountain climbing.

The Bernie Step would have still been there.

France has a long sad history of past their prime field generals.

Counterpoint: I am someone’s neighbor and I am fucking awesome.

From a site that is clearly pretty left leaning, Im not sure about this take. Although a salary cap as a whole serves to ensure profits for billionaire owners (depending on the level it is set at), individual player caps give small markets the chance to win.

He earned his stripes at the Battle of the Golden Corral Sea.

The Tappan Zee.

It’s almost as if you are saying that professional sports are engineered to maximize the profits of its investors, subject to the investors negotiating a labor agreement in which players work under conditions sufficiently good to cause mutual acceptance of the Agreement, while both get rich off of other people’s money.

Oh, totally! And if she’d just said that it’s weird as fuck and why is he doing that, that’s 100% a legit critique!

Stop using ESPN’s photoshops, Deadspin.