Muahahha, you've made it soooo much easier for me to impersonate celebrities on my next time travel adventure. Thanks suckers.

Just get them a subsription to whatever you deem to be good porn. When I was a kid, arbitrary restrictions to what I found online never worked. Rather a subscription to highbrow Art porn (like X-Art) would have kept me occupied for years as a teenage boy and I would have had no need to explore the seedy underbelly or…

No words. They should have sent a poet.

I can't wait till next season when's all about upper butt: Get your Crackies at Urban Spring 2014!

Not all donated shirts are of terrible quality. But, I will say that I live (and have lived) in the middle of nowhere Africa (literally, look up Monkoto, Congo on Google maps). It's amazing how fast these shirts get places. By December 2012, we had baseball shirts from New York LES T-Ball teams from the 2012 season in…

From now on, all my advice will include MasterChef advice.

This needs to be a bumper sticker or something: "If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime." -JS

I hate to say it, but if you're on a truely slow and remote connection (think VSATs in Africa) then you need to turn off SSL/HTTPS where ever possible. The handshake time out rates are supper terrible on a satellite connect like a VSAT. You just need to control who is on your network and be very very very vigilant…

But if I can't see the uggos how will I know with whom to mate? And also, generally hang out with. Cutties have better genes, yo. Plus, my bros that are also attractive (that's right I can tell which of my dude-friends are cute) can help me hunt better since their attractiveness means they're better hunters and shit…

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't Vine and the new Instagram video thing just GIF makers? I say you kids are all lazy. You should have to record your video, capture the screen images, and then use a complier to make GIF. That's how real men make Vine 'videos.' Now get off my law!

Ah Futura! Of course! That was all the rage, even for body copy, back in the 50s and 60s. It even made it too the moon!!

Forget the letter for one second. Is this a Gill Sans typewriter?? Where can I get one (aside from time traveling and stealing this dudes)?

I've been dealing with unwanted boners my whole life without becoming a nymphomaniac-having-sex-with-every-lady man-whore. So, I'm sure the ladies with diminished sex drives (who need these pill medically) can handle it. Stupid scientists.

That's why I always jack-off in the restrooms. Guess who just joined the "mile high club?," this dude and his hand. Hizzah!

But seriously, super-duper failure by the flight crew here. I like the false imprisonment charge against the airline, but a sexual assault charge against the dude would have been better.

CORRECTIONS:

As a dinosaur and someone who's never applied makeup but edited photos professionally (imagine how hard it was to move the mouse), I find this fascinating. This is basically a live version of highlight, lowlight, contrast, and sharpness adjustments. Plus a wig. The wig was a plugin I'd bet.

Vaginas are great.

Wow. Original Cinderella looks just like a blonde haired Bree (Hodge, Weston) Van de Kamp.

I say go Roman! From Wikipedia:

Ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask questions. People always ask me questions in the NYC metro. I always answer to the best of my ability. Also, if you're in NY at least, and there is someone with a baby carriage right behind you as you approach stairs, grab the front of the carriage (there is usually a handle area)…