“It turns out that the huge amount of space that escalator-walkers need cancels out all the time they gain by walking. “

Switch to double edge razors, everyone! 

then rest his or her chest and body down on the padded longitudinal bench-like assembly

Also provides her a valuable lesson on how to drive stick! Everyone should learn to drive stick

Pssh, you know I’ve got that in an IV drip.

Counter-point: Self-checkout (when properly configured and working) is the best.

Think of all the lives we could save if we made driving illegal. Fuck your "even one life" bullshit. Use math, not emotion.

Manic the only guy here speaking the truth!  Not to mention it’s unconstitutional. 

Obligatory elderberry reference:

Spiders

Cadillac! Hey, Cadillac! It’s your cousin, Lincoln! You know that profit margin you were looking for?! Well...

This is wrong, and you know it. Wrenching on cars that were born before you were should make you realize what happens to old molded rubber components. They dry out, they degrade from UV, and they crack. Then the thick rubber section opens it’s terrible maw when you slide it into first gear, and as you satisfyingly…

I would settle for a judge ordering the mother to change the kid’s name to something normal, AND changing her own name to Abcde.

How is laughing at seeing a first name that is the first five letters of the alphabet making fun of a child? The kid didn’t pick that name.

I don’t want to get too judgemental but maybe mom should have been an adult and not named their kid Abcde. There’s lots of idiocy out there, people should avoid it is what I’m saying.

Maybe don’t name your child something moronic if you don’t want yourself (and your child) ridiculed for the rest of their life. And this from a guy who named his son after his favorite Top Gear presenter.

This woman needs to have her child taken away from her for the child’s sake. 

I guess this means Marty is stuck in 1955 forever. Just like Mike Pence and the rest of Indiana.

Welcome to Jalopnik, the link back to The Root is up on the left side of your screen. 

*cough*