This take scorched my retinas and I’m suing.

As a Reds fan, this is the first time I’ve cared about baseball all year.

This is an inaccurate description of the way things seem.

I’m a Bengals fan. Is it okay to like Vontaze Burfict? Also, do most NFL fans hate the Steelers as much as I do, or just those in our division?

Should my wife and I have a kid? I think we’d be pretty good parents but we’ve been on the fence about it for like 10 years now.

And jeez, I wonder where they would get the idea that the media would overreact if they announced she had a mild illness.

If you think that this is not a nice little story, that is okay. Just put a little comment on the internet about it, then we can all know your opinion!

Not sure you know what “openly racist” means.

I did that too. I started thinking I sounded like a weirdo.

LOVED Grind Date.

NERD!

Yeah, I get sick to my stomach even thinking about it. I just can’t take a dog being sad for some reason. Weird, because I’ll watch Worldstar videos all day.

If pooping while walking gets you gold medals, consider me Michael Phelps.

At least he didn’t get Lochte up Abroad.

I don’t know, I did shit like this all the time at 32.

DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO WE ARE IN LOVE NOT EVEN READING THIS SICK OF ALL THE NEGATIVITY

Oh man, I farted in the shower the other day and it was so bad I had to get out of the shower, I was having that bad a time. And it’s really hard to have a bad time when you’re drinking a beer and masturbating.

Hmm. Salacious and all, but I don’t think there is much evidence of a bonafied “fuck fest” here. V disappointed :(

Wow, I was briefly in love with this site back then, when I had no idea who Chelsea Peretti was. How about that.

This message needs to be on billboards across the nation. It's use should also be forbidden in the Facebook user agreement.