That’s why he said chubby and not obese.

I think Spanos would get jealous if he saw someone else fucking you.

Aaron Rodgers’ Hail Mary’s ability to avoid defenders is second only to Aaron Rodgers’ ability to avoid family members.

He’s fine with it.

Carnac The Magnificent approves!

Someone should probably tell them that if they care about getting murdered, they’re probably safe in Turkey.

I can understand why a player for the New York Liberty would be scared of living in a place that has become a repeat target for terrorists and just want to get home to New York City.

Kristen Cavallari, Donald Trump, and Sugar Rogers.

Alternate headline: Fundamentalists afraid of fundamentalists.

Let’s not lose sight of the real victims here: the people who pay money to watch a women’s Turkish basketball league.

There is no way Russell Wilson casually cranks one out. If/when he does, it is a furious attempt to come to completion before the shame of selfishly pleasuring his body overtakes him.

Yeah weird how local talking heads aren’t tough on ridiculously successful, local celebrities...

Where can I read more of this?

I say this all the time, but just imagine how the Boston media would ridicule someone like Peyton Manning if he did half the wack shit Brady does. Between that fucking diet and all these insane fake health products they’d eviscerate him.

Love me a good locker room nap.

Go find this guy, break in to his house some night, and wake him up while holding a baseball bat above his head. Tell him you don’t quit on baseball now thanks to him. And then kill him.

We all know the Giants are going to play the Patriots in the Super Bowl and Odell Beckham is going to make a game-saving catch with his prehensile penis or whatever and Tom Brady’s going to murder Eli Manning in the offseason. It’s just a fact.

Don’t you fucking jinx my Giants with your dumbass predictions! We need people to count them out. THAT’S HOW THEY ON RIDICULOUS PLAYOFF RUNS.

Growing up, I never found out about a lie quicker than adult coaches saying, “Go out there and have fun.” I distinctly remember the first time I actually took it to heart, I was playing in our minor league baseball game (first league to use pitchers and not machines) and we were about to suffer our first loss. I was…

I have long hair for a dude. The other day, I ate at a Chinese restaurant and had a little piece of food stuck between a couple of molars that was bothering the hell out of me and I had forgotten to grab a toothpick. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled out a strand of hair and used it—successfully—as floss.