I’ll stick to the command line :P

He’s just emphasizing the importance of a nuclear family.

see also: men’s college hockey.

Power inflation in MTG always makes me want to shake my walker at the young kids and yell about how things were better back in my day. You had to work to set up OP combos, now they just hand them to you. #thanksobama

Showing up at a strangers apartment with a pizza does not work, even if you bring the right music along.

• Skinner: Well, I was wrong; the lizards are a godsend.

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on the one hand, this makes a lot of sense. On the other hand it’s horrifyingly expensive if you don’t have local babysitting help from grandparents so some caution is really in order before you just sign up for this 100%

Jesus Christ, what a bunch of butts. I don’t have kids and I don’t want kids and I don’t really like kids but I do my best to nod along supportively when people talk about their kids or show me pictures or whatever because that is basic human courtesy and also I guess it’s really nice that people love their kids? It’s…

All these sex comments primed my brain to read "butt candy"

It sounds like, either way, you run a legitimate risk of ending up exhausted and cleaning up poop. Damned if you do, dammed if you don't.

There's such a thing as a "legal opinion" and possibly a lawyer who would like to be clear that she or he is not expressing a legal opinion might still want to differentiate. Similarly, doctors and others may have a "professional opinion" that is distinct from a "personal opinion" they might express. Then there are…

Then they're wrong, it's amazing.

and dwarves

I'm kinda bummed this story didn't end with your wife trimming your beard while you slept

I've grown a beard, so I understand the desire to cultivate one's man-face. But in my opinion, any beard longer than 1/2 inch doesn't look like it belongs in the modern world. I'm not trying to be a troll, but long beards strike me as an antiquated throw back rather than a modern expression of facial hair. Just my…