NeverMindEdith is a penis professional

We put together a time capsule in 6th grade. A boy named Tim (who liked to bring his BB gun to the playground after school hours and shoot at us) dug it all up the next day and kept the loot.

A time capsule has to be literally the perfect place to hide a body.

this makes me feel better about stealing a pirate eye patch from there when i was a teen. so ~rebellious~

Calm down, darkie.

Kennedys and water don’t mix well ask Mary Jo

I really want to have an As I Lay Dying wedding. Every guest could bring some wood and we’ll make a coffin as a demonstration of bringing our families together. We could could ‘cement’ our love for each other by having our limbs set in concrete. We’ll serve fish. It’ll be BRILLIANT. No one will ever ask me to pay for…

I think it's also, like, the social media/reality TV effect. I'm about to go full old lady on you: I think that more than wanting to create memories, these are people who want to document their starring role. I don't think there's anything sentimental or genuine about it. I think it's an ode to the ego.

let’s just call it what it is: rich person LARPing. My little brother got married recently and the wedding was “Gatsby-inspired” even though he and his bride are scraping by. Gatsby-inspired, indeed.

Prepare thyselves for end times, readers, because the devil has returned and will soon set the world ablaze with eternal hellfire in which all of humanity shall suffer unholy, tortuous pain lasting for infinity.

The expression on that butterfly, though.

This is truly the most terrible thing I’ve ever seen being a) sold for money, b) not on Etsy.

Wow, what the f? Is it made out of the skin of these people or what?

I’m like Netflix, Chill, Netflix.

Yeah, anyone who argues that much over that definition is pulling a Bill Clinton.

I had that man this summer. I couldn’t deal with him as a person anymore, but as a sex partner I will miss him until the day I die.

“Sex” is easy to get.

I dunno...when I am blowing my boyfriend, it seems a lot longer than 6 minutes.....

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