How the fuck was I supposed to know that breaking and entering is still illegal if you're doing it to Guy Fieri's house? Total horseshit.

You should've included a trigger warning man!!!

"...maybe written about Full House's Uncle Dave..."

He always looks to me like the actual physical personification of how patchouli smells.

The only thing I humble brag about is the amazing dinner I made from scratch without a recipe. Envy my life, people.

ummm...

This plays like a bad porn. Like a really really bad porn. Between this and the rosebud article, I've already reached my "uggggg" and "ewwwwww" quota for the day.

umm, erm, PLEASE dont say " came " in relation to a post about

The actual prolapse doesn't just happen and actresses have to train to get the bud to occur when they want. To be able to rosebud effectively, actresses need to have prolonged sessions with multiple massive objects so that their rectal walls become loose and easy to push right out. Training might also include sleeping…

There are areas of the internet where I know not to tread. But then you bring the shit to me, Mark!

would you roll her in flour first?

Between this and having whiskey sours with Ina in yesterday's dirt bag, it's almost like Taylor Swift is on a one woman campaign to make me like her or something.

00's. Ed Hardy. No picture necessary.

The 90s were about "boring minimalism"? Maybe it's because I spent my childhood in the 90s, but there is nothing minimalist about crimped hair and fluttering dragonfly clips. Limited Too fo evaaaaa.

Any decade where Tina Knowles was designing Destiny Child's outfits was fashion's worst decade.

I love boyshorts. They offer both butt security and complete comfort.