I’m tired of Big Water trying to come between me and bloody dysentery.

And the gold medal in the 5K “Just Burning Out to Go Buy Weed Before This Guy Comes Back” goes to Jose from Mamma Teresa’s.

I’d trade that entire screen for a customizable HUD and some analog dials/switches.

It’s also probably worth saying that this should apply to emotional abuse too. Someone who screams at you, demeans you, or just generally treats you like shit should also not be tolerated.

Hell yes, you should leave. You should never tolerate anyone you are in a relationship “putting their hands on you”. Ever. For any reason.

When the Phantom Menace came out, I was willing to kill a fool to get in to see it. By 40 mins into it, I was willing to kill everyone in the theater to get back out.

“We were unable to find any minority candidates named Jon Gruden despite an exhaustive search, so technically no one was qualified.”

I recommend not dating insecure people.

“Hey, I’m not an asshole for mocking you, I’m just from Brazil!”

Protip: If you keep mocking your girlfriend after she gets mad at you for mocking her, you might be looking for a new girlfriend.

When I was in Las Vegas last summer, at the Mob Museum they had an old police training simulator where you had to watch a video of an angry guy waving a gun around, but only shoot him when he actually made a move to point the gun at you.

Apparently the more modern standard is, “hey, he made a gesture towards his…

Bunch of snowflakes trying to emasculate the young men of America by denying them the traditional rite of passage that is homosexual rape.

Dude can only operate in a walled garden.

I never stop supporting my brother/teammate Eli and the rest of my teammates as we move forward.

Come on, it’s obvious that he was exhaling while dragging that toe, and by rule that means it’s incomplete, unless the time remaining is evenly divisible by 6, in which case it’s a touchback.

Not sure how that isn’t obvious.

I swear, it wasn’t really my fault that all those groups wiped in Gnomeregan before someone thought to ask me if I was dismissing my pet before jumping down a level...

Just because something is on National TV doesn’t mean you have the right to know every single injury or mishap involved in making it. You don’t have the “right” to know if an actor gets hurt on a TV show.

I think I’d be angry at first, but millions of dollars can pay for a lot of therapy for uprooted kids.

Hey, I saw a very carefully staged shot of him at the game last week, from the chest up, so I’m sure he’s fine.

Prosperity gospel 101: get yours first.

“We want to be the most trusted purchase companion,”