I recommend not dating insecure people.

“Hey, I’m not an asshole for mocking you, I’m just from Brazil!”

Protip: If you keep mocking your girlfriend after she gets mad at you for mocking her, you might be looking for a new girlfriend.

When I was in Las Vegas last summer, at the Mob Museum they had an old police training simulator where you had to watch a video of an angry guy waving a gun around, but only shoot him when he actually made a move to point the gun at you.

Apparently the more modern standard is, “hey, he made a gesture towards his…

Bunch of snowflakes trying to emasculate the young men of America by denying them the traditional rite of passage that is homosexual rape.

Dude can only operate in a walled garden.

I never stop supporting my brother/teammate Eli and the rest of my teammates as we move forward.

Come on, it’s obvious that he was exhaling while dragging that toe, and by rule that means it’s incomplete, unless the time remaining is evenly divisible by 6, in which case it’s a touchback.

Not sure how that isn’t obvious.

I swear, it wasn’t really my fault that all those groups wiped in Gnomeregan before someone thought to ask me if I was dismissing my pet before jumping down a level...

Just because something is on National TV doesn’t mean you have the right to know every single injury or mishap involved in making it. You don’t have the “right” to know if an actor gets hurt on a TV show.

I think I’d be angry at first, but millions of dollars can pay for a lot of therapy for uprooted kids.

Hey, I saw a very carefully staged shot of him at the game last week, from the chest up, so I’m sure he’s fine.

Prosperity gospel 101: get yours first.

“We want to be the most trusted purchase companion,”

There are remarkably few careers left where you can just be a raging asshole to people and not suffer professional consequences. This is not a bad thing.

It’s funny that almost every industry has clued in that tyrannical assholes actually aren’t worth the misery they cause. I suppose “progressive” Hollywood will eventually catch up.

Some great portraits! Do you get model releases when you’re posting to instagram?

If I fed my dog a bag of Scrabble tiles, he could crap a better screenplay than the first movie, so this one doesn’t have much of a bar to get over.

I obviously was skimming when I read about this guy’s huge dink destruction.

The underbody is fairly clean, but there is some surface rust, and the exhaust needs work

“I have altered the name of this planet to some sort of childish insult. Pray I do not alter another.”