somebody fucking keyed my Model S...

i bought some of these and turned them into toilet seats for my guest restrooms. its been a real hit among visitors.

i removed mine from my phone, after learning about this chip a few years ago. i was moving several keys from Port Au Prince with a compatriot that used to work with the secretary of the interior.

you can clearly see in the 3D rendering, that Jesus Christ is wearing a Yamaka.

i would beat a man to death, if he tried to mooch my cell battery. real talk.

remote control comes with inherent risks of not always being in your actual control.

i rode a damn Clydesdale stallion into the bank, and recited the Braveheart "they'll never take our freedom" speech in its entirety - before making an unreal deposit, and exiting...leaving the horse behind in the lobby.

Oculus Schism.

i crossed the border through osmosis with a briefcase packed to the brim with Botswanian bullion.

so i circulated a memo through our KC office, explaining that i would be selling Boy Scout cookies in the back of the parking garage at 9:45 sunday night.

Vaseline and Saran wrap, work well to keep the kilos dry when trekking through the jungle.

...pretty sure i could reach the gulf by sundown, if i were to cast off into the missouri river and throttle up the boat.

as he drove, his right palm laid flush against the side of the metallic suitcase in the passenger seat, as if it was going to jump out of the window at any moment. he drove through a sleepy neighborhood at dusk. the waning sunlight through the trees hanging over the street, created a shadow lattice as he passed…

Kerry ran his finger over the contour accents on his Telsa, and added a cocky little hop and point when he reached the headlight. a gorgeous 6 foot tall amazon watched it all from behind a giddy grin. "where are we going tonight, Kerry". He produced a pair of designer shades out of what seemed to be thin air, slipped…

Kerry Kilos was approached for protected informant impunity offers. but he scoffed and offered up his wrists and said, "the money will still be nice when i get out, you sucka"

watch my truck get sprayed with exotic oils like a bodybuilder.

you buy the watch and "as i lay dying" shows up at your house...

you buy the watch and "as i lay dying" shows up at your house...

i could sell white to a black guy.

Kerry tipped the heavy glass mug in front of his face to gag down the last of the warm swill. "what time is it?" he thought, "is it tuesday?". pushing the large green bar doors out of his way, he stumbled outside on to a forgotten boston street. dead grass and weeds limped out of various cracks in the sidewalk and…

morning crept through the sheet-curtains and turned ambient dust into gold flecks...swirling in the dry air of the trap house. Kerry spaced out and stared at the swirling dust lit in the early morning sun, before snapping to. taking the last drag of his cigarette, he dropped it down a brown longneck on the table in…