They’re not lying. The scale’s reading was just off, as Trump has accessed 100% of his brain and now has the power of levitation.

No way he’s under 275. He’s probably 6' 1", three bills.

6'3", 285 lbs.

You’re thinking of the one they put on every two months in order to fool white people...

So the Red Sox are still stealing signs then?

Calling someone a white supremacist simply because they embolden and espouse white supremacist ideals is like calling someone a pedophile simply because they sexually molest children.

Has anyone trademarked the phrase “my life has been somewhat disappointing?” No? I call dibs.

This will be a fascinating 30 For 30 someday.

“Kid Grabs Huge Dong”

Unprecedented

A male feminist walks into a bar

I think I’ve figured out the code: If you give a guy a boner, you’re “curvy.” If you don’t, you’re “fat.”

What the hell did they trade him for? He had 30 home runs, over 130 RBIs, a rocket for an arm. THEY DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY WERE DOING.

I’m surprised that the NPR story about the White House being involved in pushing the Seth Rich conspiracy theory through Fox News didn’t make it into the round up. Sean Spicer even admitted he met with the shady PI guy!

But it is all it takes to have an audience.

“Any “very skilled” boxer as you say would see a grapple or a kick coming from a mile away.”

Patrick has been fired for not referencing the extensive real-world history of ballistas being used to kill flame-breathing magical lizards the size of 747s.

“White House Accuses Outgoing Ethics Chief of Grandstanding in Statement That Misspells His Name”