Poor Bristol. She’s always the babymama, never the bride.

Got awesome cats huh? I was just thinking about what a cool person you are and how we should be friends. I’ll bring kitty candies. I MEAN SNACKS. HUMAN SNACKS.

After a month in Morocco, eating everything I could shove into my face, I got Pizza Hut in downtown Casablanca with no regrets. It wasn’t good, but I was homesick (not that I ever ate Pizza Hut at home, but still) and there was only so many ground camel sandwiches a gal could eat.

I always hoped that I was smarter than Ann Coulter but now I have proof. I’m in a hotel room. First thing I did after kicking off my shoes (and eating the macademia nuts)? Checked that the alarm was off.

Don’t be so harsh! He only had 20 minutes to put together a suit from materials he found in an abandoned room of a country club.

All the looks at once.

These fuckers need Jesus.

Look, I know we all want to rush to judgment here but I’m guessing that, very reasonably, the man asked what those women were there for and they told him that they were there to cover a professional football team and he, quite rightfully, had to check if the Jaguars qualified.

Okay, I haven’t read through yet, but last week, I discussed writing up a “BCO In Jokes Primer”... and here it is. For all those who are new...

I never have to force potatoes down my gullet. They go willingly, nay, merrily!

The Bay Area is not a desert. Northern California is not a desert. The Central Coast is not a desert. The Sierras are not desert. We’re all hurting here, and we’re not all So Cal. I’ll promise not to generalize about Minnesota if you can extend the same courtesy to California. Thanks.

That doesn’t make sense for a limited resource. Like, if a billionaire could afford to use up all the water in the county, leaving everyone else with 0 water to drink or flush their toilets, is that really good policy? Water is a public resource. Unless he is using his own well (which does still drain common ground…

You’re mistakenly assuming there are limits to the amount of anger we can feel about this and the number of targets at which we can point that anger. Most of us are angry at these asshats as well as the frackers and wasteful agriculture and Nestle’s freaking bottled water.

I hope he gets rated honestly on Peeple by all his acquaintances.

Was there food, that you could eat? Good wedding.

EVERY. THING. This BCO... THIS BCO, it... has EVERY. THING.

LOL! I can imagine the questionnaire:

Do you invite Grandma?
A. Yes! I love my Nana.
B. That broke-ass hoe will probably give me a $10. Hell no.
C. Do I look like I am running a chairty here?

How much are you going to spend per plate?
A. My wedding budget allows $60 per person.
B. I'm going to draft a guest list, estimate…

This wasn't my wedding, but it's a family tradition to tell this story when someone starts their wedding registry.

We'll know that we've reached true equality when gays and lesbians feel free to approach their wedding with the same vulgar sense of entitlement and ingratitude that straight people have.