Driving my Volt, I appreciate the quietness (outside of the slight whine produced by the motors). I’m not sure why I’d want to have my electric car make noise.

Yup, I was 10 and Joey’s dad (neighborhood friend) took us to see it. What was that guy thinking?!

Ah Robocop, the movie marketed with toys for kids that proooooooobably shouldn’t have...

Oh, it’s absolutely a block. It’s also absolutely bogus it got reviewed.

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

I was at a wedding in Hawaii and they played “Another Day in Paradise” by Phil Collins, which is a depressing song about homelessness. I turned to my wife and said “Did they only listen to the chorus when picking this song?”

When you’re on a double lane highway and there’s no other cars for miles around and someone going faster than you comes up from behind and then proceeds to follow you for the next 6 MILES. WHY?!

Step 1. Lose money selling a few hot dogs to people who just popped in for a quick cheap lunch.

Of course the idiot doesn’t get a single scratch on their car and then just drives off like nothing happened, even though one truck is laying on its side and another one is jackknifed due to their idiocy!

Welcome children to the standard American response, security theater that will probably benefit a corporation.

To give the appearance of safety we now require you to jump through a bunch of pointless hoops to make it appear like we are doing something. Only Company X makes properly approved bags. Good news you will…

I was an impatient fool, fresh off the plane, drunk on Turkish coffee, and unaccustomed to seeing snow. I didn’t want to wait for a taxi at the official taxi line at my hotel, so I waved down a taxi off the street.

I feel like this would be an easier choice if your delay came with a $100 voucher for an airport bar. You know, so you could buy two drinks.

I own a coin-op business and this “fishing” exploit is actually quite common. Well, it *used* to be quite common. Modern bill changers are very good at detecting the reflection from the laminate and also detecting a non-standard level of friction (detecting small anomalies in the speeds of the intake rollers, kind of…

Thank you. This mishandling of the legal system is just bullshit. It’s insane how we can make someone pay thousands of dollars to defend themselves against something atrocious, like accusing someone of defamation for clearly using first-amendment freedoms and facts.

Oh yeah, that would’ve fucking incredible. AC Revelations with Consantinople/Istanbul would’ve been a great fit as well.

Illinois. Our state is shit, we have 4am bars and alcohol in every shop and preschool

BREAKING: Security camera footage has been released of the incident.

None here. My parents took me to see rated-R movies when I was a kid, and they knew I knew it was just fiction. I saw Robocop in the theater when I was 9. And I’ve hardly murdered any prostitutes at all since I grew up!

Did that man just happen to have a large picture of two men kissing?

One of the million times I was sent to the Discipline Office in high school, the Dean was in the middle of his lunch of Chinese food. I said, "I love rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something." The Dean laughed and sent me away without punishment. It's Mitch Hedberg's fault I lack discipline,…