Rob Ford’s Darryl Strawberry impression was much more spot-on.

Goodell: Two games!

Seriously guys, this shit has to stop.

Von Miller should’ve been ejected last night.

Seems like decent blocking on Kelce’s part until the play is over, whereupon Von Miller does an impressive judo move on him, which is cool I guess, but not really that related to football.

If they’re really having trouble identifying these players, they might want to try doing a reverse search on those numbers on their jerseys.

Football fans are the dumbest motherfuckers on the face of the planet.

“One play after the umpire was struck, a personal foul was called on Moreno for hitting the Marble Falls quarterback, who had taken a knee to run out the clock. Moreno was assessed a 15-yard penalty but was not ejected.”

You’re referring to the music, right?

Well, maybe it’s, like, because the Royals never intentionally hit anyone after the warnings were issued and the Blue Jays did? Maybe that’s why the Royals weren’t punished? Because it, in actuality, was NOT the Royals fault? Maybe you’re wrong? Maybe?

No two humans represent Stockton California better than the Diaz brothers.

Does anybody remember The Swan Princess?

You know what? Fuck Panama. During the qualification for the last world cup, to get into the hex, Canada went down to Panama for a game.

Dana White has been notorious for making off the cuff decisions and bringing his personal feelings into business. This is part of the reason for his popularity, his so called cult of personality. He says he’s trying to legitimize the sport but imagine if any of the other major sports commissioners acted the way he…

Fuck Mexico fans. I know there have been a very small amount of issues with US fans doing this, but they shit they get away with at stadiums is disgraceful. They were throwing shit at Costa Rican players after that shit call. Against T&T there garbage was hailing on the guy taking the corner before they scored the…

“ Put on a show while I go fill your mom with dick nectar”

A whole bunch of exciting games this week, of course Deadspin focuses on the one awkward moment.

Guarantee that Rousey double shank legs Coerria right off of a rear choke helix. If Coerria lasts through all of that, I’d be surprised if Rousey doesn’t immediately force a Janckman’s Plexus on her and shatter her buttonhook. Coerria’s only shot is a quick, accurate Miranda’s Reversal into a hog-nosed bat tap. Once…

Counterpoint: Fuck Miguel Cabrera.

I'm shocked that a sporting event in South Korea was marred by corrupt officiating.