Sizzler U would have won the national championship last year if the NCAA didn't have such a non-school bias.

Random story, but true: I once had my postman take a shit in my house. He was an elderly Asian man and he came knocking on my door with some urgency, asked if he could use our bathroom. I didn't want to be cruel, and I naturally assumed it was for #1, so I let him in. However, he was in there for a while, and my…

He's magically seditious.

Sorry, can't tell if your sarcasm tag is on or not. I believe O magazine is still going strong. I was referring to their stiffing of contractors.

I have an acquaintance who is a fairly well-known graphic artist. He did a job for O mag once and got stiffed for the payment. The sum wasn't worth the pursuit, so he just let it go and refused the next job that they offered him. Point is: she has one thing in common with the current president.

Just make sure you examine your poop!

Ahem, two things.

So tell us truly: did OJ do it?

I'll give you my Volcano Vaporizer when you can pry it from my dead, cold hands!

I don't think chestnuts are native to Kenya.

Kurt Godel, being a genius and knowing that Donald Trump was a sack of shit before entering the public eye, mathematically proved that the set of all angles that anybody wants to see Trump from is the null set; it's called the Fuck This Douchebag Theorem.

Maybe in the far distant future, some neo-cavedwellers will happen upon them and learn to reverse engineer them, thus rebooting civilization. It's not hoarding, it's curating.

I think it does in most of the areas that voted for Trump.

On the bright side, this does increase their chance of blowing up in the atmosphere.

That's good. They do seem like the Hot Topic (the store, that is) of punk.

Especially for somebody of means and in a day when heart surgery has become practically routine, though I don't mean to overstate that—-few surgeries are really routine for the people who have to undergo them—-but heart surgery has improved so much over recent history. This is just a terrible tragedy.

I don't know enough of my punk rock history here, but would Sid Vicious count as a hoax? He certainly couldn't play, but the band decided that he was enough of a draw to put him up there with an instrument and unplug him. Were fans at the time aware of this deception?

Damien Hirst did that one already.

Seriously, how is Ella Enchanted not the dirtiest movie ever made?

Pass it to the left please.