Especially when old, overweight and (frequently, in Churchill's case) intoxicated.

If she really wanted to think outside the box she could give my lazy nearly-average white son a scholarship. It probably wouldn't be a good idea, but it'd certainly be unexpected and creative.

Poe's Store

There's a niche industry where broadcasting your anal temps could be quite lucrative. Tell me, do you any sense of shame?

If your lightbulbs and oven are on the internet you can be invited to be part of the greatest bot army in history! Try that with your quill and ink pot sometime.

So you're saying there could be a cotton whiskey too? I only drink gin in early summer.

Your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

You are wrong. I, the superior straight black coffee drinker, judge you yet again.

Vickie, set down the frap sugar bomb and wait for the shaking to stop before you type.

You mean other than you? No.

How could you tell if it was stale?

Rubbing alcohol is cheap.

But I'm glad somebody did.

Twerking for the Shakes.

I can't conceive of food in grams. How much is that in, say, cases of Skittles?

A guy needs insurance and the exchanges can get expensive. 33 hours a week is not too high a price to pay for peace of mind at a manageable cost.

Remember those weird drunk/high conversations in college where some douchebag would get waaay to deep into the "what if there was like a total other world just like ours" cesspool and you'd tell him to chill out but secretly you were thinking "I hope I don't get stuck in a shitty one" and now here we are. Damn.

Cream of Mushroom didn't work either.

Son, stay the hell outta Texas. - my northern dad

It depends on their condition. New ones may be OK, but once you start nailing them to the floor the holes really ruin their value.