I think the "*" means it goes up your butthole.

Well chosen, Alec. If you're going to have beef, it might as well be dry, aged and Kobe.

Here's something I never knew about antidepressants: they can completely interfere with your ability to get drunk. All this time I've been thinking I just had incredible natural tolerance for alcohol, but the reality is if I stopped taking my happy pills I'd probably get shithoused on half a can of Bud Lite. I only…

When you start to salivate then you know it is serious. That is among the worst feelings in the world...the nausea coupled with the inevitability of it all.

Was at a local bar in the town I grew up in (and where my parents still live) for my bachelor party with my high school buddies. Three Captain and Cokes, two car bombs, and two shots of tequila later, I wasn't feeling so hot. I was right at that tipping point, where you know if you can just sit for about fifteen…

Learning to quit is an important skill too - a far more important skill than anything soccer would teach you. Good on your dad too. I'm far from one of those "my kid can do no wrong" parents, but when somebody lets a small amount of what is ultimately meaningless power go to their heads it's fun to put them in their…

You understand that dealing with difficult authority figures is a lesson kids need to learn early, because they'll be doing it for their entire life, and that your going out there and making a scene is likely more detrimental to your kid's wellbeing than getting yelled at by a baseball coach.

What if there is a hidden message in his tweets? He capitalizes like that for a reason, maybe?

I think that we should just end the failed experiment that is daytime TV. Every channel should have to go dark until Jeopardy! comes on.

If "bootstraps" fucked a yogurt commercial, the bastard offspring would be "Love yourself more."

Or I assume they're young and haven't had decades of exposure to her. She's fun for a little while, and then exhaustion sets in, and then, at some point, she talks about something of substance and you realize she's just a nasty little bridge troll.

Honestly I don't know how anything in this article can be remotely surprising, considering how openly she has been a 'conservative' Christian, owes her career to the help of Anita Bryant, has a brother who is an evangelical Baptists preacher, openly praises Glenn Beck, wrote a musical supporting Aimee McPherson, and…

I always assume when people say they like her, they mean in an ironic way. She's a wackadoodle.

The unexpected fees sometimes associated with public schools are oftentimes prohibitive for certain families. I remember being ridiculed by my math teacher on a daily basis and eventually booted down to the lower class (which I had already passed) because the TI-whatever calculator was just a completely impossible…

I was just going to dismiss this for the stupid bullshit it is, but pointing out that "liberals" were "against" emancipation is so comically stupid that frankly, I'd love to see people dogpile you for it. DEMOCRATS were (by and large) against emancipation — and Democrats at the time were Conservatives. But yeah, I'm…

+ 1/2 lemonade, 1/2 iced tea

I hear if you spell Geraldo's full name out and then change the font to Wingdings it actually shows the plot to Big Trouble in Little China.

I am very much an IPA guy and I really like both Centennial and Double Trouble. All Day felt like it had no backbone to me. Just not my thing I guess.

I bought a 6 pack of All Day last year not quite knowing what it was supposed to be and I hated it. Haven't had the urge to retry it yet.