Haha

"Wherein teh selfie is all ani-gif'd n set to dubstep beats while prawned n0obs txt they faggy rebuke."

On a spamnote, Native Hawaiian relatives always try to feed me spam musubi and pass it off as traditional rather than disgusting. It's disgusting though; you should know that.

There's a reason DFW is dead…

I read the book of new sun. I understand shit. Hell yes. I'm understanding things right now!

I don't think it's coincidental that Happy the Happy Meal made his debut on the day of the murder.

I really dig M-dashes. They're pretty erotic.

Happy drinks to mask the ruin. Happy is alive now; existing between space and time now. Happy swims across the Sea of Tranquility while Earth burns on the turning sun. Happy grabs a handful of fries now: dying by Imperial degrees. Happy fucks the new girl in the unisex/handicap bathroom. Happy carries a pistol in the…

I wouldn't call it a problem, but yes absolutely.

Happy ties off and the junk is golden; the platonic solidity of profound disembodiment flows like magma. Happy abides by human laws. Happy builds a bonfire on the beach. Happy wades into the Pacific until the cold licks his balls. Happy looks up at the milky way and imagines wilting before the roiling muzzle of a…

Happy unfolds into impossible space like a 4dimensional paperclip in a vacuum. Happy will never die; will live again and again — will haunt you. Happy breaths the virtual fireworks of vacuum energy. Happy will outlive the Heat Death. Happy will irritate you even while circling the lightless EinRosenbridge of…

Happy burns garbage in a drum. Happy turns 60 beneath an overpass in Nevada. Happy sleeps on a soggy pile of flayed refrigerator boxes. Happy is stabbed by a half-naked Mexican girl at a truckstop outside Tucson. Happy bleeds in the night.

Look at that guy; if you saw a guy making those eyes at you in a bar, you would text the goddamn police.

I dig it. Tortured Syntax and Deep Wordsmithery are my favorite schools of magic.

You can tell by his posture that his design parameters included a tremendous swinging cock, but it was greyjoyed before the ad went live.

That's why your SAT will be known to future generations as "exhibit: A".

Your joke would have been funnier if you incorporated a thematically relevant known app name and worked it into a tortured pun like "Fourskin".

Star Wars: FEMA hates this one weird weightloss trick: cut off your limbs with a lightsaber.

Huh. Usually nobody guesses that.

Agreed. But not for the reason you think I'm agreeing.