Lebron literally said “it’s tough for all of us”

“Chinese people buy shoes too.”

Looks like Peterson finally learned not to go for the switch.

I do kind of empathize with Jamil here. Like her I’m working my way backwards through history and my “Willy Brandt’s handling of the Guillame scandal cemented his place as Germany’s worst ever Chancellor” tweet isn’t holding up as well as I’d hoped. 

“They opened up an investigation and suspended the season after a week? How could these simple country bumpkins, who only know football and how to till the land possibly make this kind of call so quickly? Surly, they don’t understand things like sexual assault. Why, they are most likely still startled by the daily…

People who type in all caps.

On the bright side, Europeans speaking in German but pausing to say, “Vat the fahk?” in English indicates that America’s role as a global leader is not so tarnished that it can no longer inspire other nations to aspire to this Shining City on a Fuckin’ Hill.

“I went to work at Kinkos with an infected toe nail! This guy has no heart! Put some ice on it!”

What is with the defeatist tone of this article? A person required to play quarterback for the Jets *wants* to continue to live, which is undeniable progress. 

Also losing half of its staff: middle school boys who’ll no longer get the swimsuit issue.

Fish having trouble with women. Maybe Matt Barnes can help?

The Facetime call also unintentionally caught a naked and confused Kyle Long wandering in the background.

Jason Rantz is both his name and his job, uncanny

But many people are saying it is Cameron, and you are hearing it more and more, so....

Ah, yes. The encouraging “he’s not paralyzed” tweet. Ain’t footbaw swell?

Browns never have a chance in Boston.

Did you not just read Drew’s whole deal about how he’s constantly been blitzed out of his mind on Primo Chronic lately?

Anyone who lives in Las Vegas and judges a tourist should be punched in the face. Tourists are the only reason that city exists.

5 Throwgasms for a Lions game? Unless they’re bringing back Barry Sanders and unmasking former fan ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER I don’t see it.

Without the drinking, Drew is basically Jon Stewart’s character from half-baked now.