For your Oscar consideration:

He was last seen putting an offer on the New York Islanders.

If you’re honestly associating anything the guys on Pardon My Take do with anything else that happens at Barstool, you’re clearly ignorant to the subject.

Waiting for charges against Guy Incognito and Tim Definitelyahuman to drop any second now... 

“The freshman told investigators that his teammates restrained him with more duct tape during the drive, pulled down his shorts and underwear, then repeatedly tried to insert an object into his rectum.”

and punished “several players”

On the plus side, we don’t have to yell at them to stay off our lawns because they never go outside.

. . . unless you go deep into the Ohio State corners of the internet . . . .

Your team is owned by a man who is buried so deep in the Presidents bucket of extra crispy that he was named ambassador to the United Kingdom.

How can you have “football” and “kickball”? Soccer baseball FTW.

A front loaded NFL contract that they had no intention of honoring? They must have thought the NIH was a player.

“Some of y’all can count TO TEN?!”

You know what I also do sometimes? If there’s a salad on the table, sometimes I just dump some salad right onto the pizza and fold it up and eat it like a freak. Salad pizza is always better than it sounds.

He better hope this doesn’t result in a court appearance. We all know how much trouble Mayweather has with sentences.

It’s hard to get any work done with all those screaming kids around.

Scene: Blackhawks Locker Room

Golfing

whatever. She still won the popular slope.

It’s tough to get anyone in Washington to admit to obstruction these days.