Of course he won! The butler keeps putting the ball back on the table in the same exact fuckin’ spot!

The point was the media would all pick it up and show it to the nation while saying “Oh that crazy genius Jim Harbaugh, what monkeyshines will he think of next.” And he can sleep well tonight after getting off on the fact that, whether he wins or loses, he’ll be having his dick collectively sucked by the sports media…

If you hit someone, be ready for them to die. They probably won’t, but they totally might.

Richard Sherman Explains Why Players Shouldn’t Trust The NFL

It’s a pity that he’s the kind of guy who will spend an inordinate amount of time taking back-handed compliments about how he is actually clean and articulate, because what really matters is that he’s whip-smart, very aware that not every player in the league is as marketable as he is, and is willing to stand on…

Richard Sherman should probably be President of the NFLPA one day. He won’t be, because he’s too smart and too opinionated, but he should be. Perhaps he’ll run for public office. I’d vote for him.

Despite what people might say, this is not really black and white. Technically, that video is what is called “grayscale.”

“To me, it was embarrassing to watch that these are our two candidates,” Kaepernick said Tuesday. “Both are proven liars and it almost seems like they’re trying to debate who’s less racist. And at this point, talking with one of my friends, it was, you have to pick the lesser of two evils, but in the end, it’s…

It’s not domesticated. It’s tame. There is a world of difference, starting at the genetic level.

“Hi, I ate this entire steak and all the sides, but I didn’t like them. Please comp this meal.”

If you play a game for 50 hours and ask for a refund you are a lame ass.

Yeah. It was called Destiny. I’ve been clean since last October.

But a certain faction of your uncle’s Facebook friends will swear he isn’t on an MLB roster RIGHT THIS MINUTE because of the war on Christianity.

makes you think

I find villains who just want to see the world burn boring. Ledger’s Joker may have been a good tool to explore Batman’s character, but I didn’t think that Joker was an interesting character.

If it doesn’t happen already, something cute and fuzzy should have to die any time the “only 10 mins of action in 3 hour time frame” hot take is vomited out of somebody’s face hole.

America’s leaders of tomorrow are performing 40 inch box jumps with 500lbs sitting across their backs thanks to this muscular thumb in a polo shirt.

also from his Twitter:

I thought the Catholic Church was against all forms of contraception.

The kid appears to know the path to righteousness.