I so enjoyed Cardi B’s response to this drivel. “Let a bitch fat in peace!”

Also, you can just be a jerk sometimes and it doesn’t make you an abusive person who has to release a statement about it. I’m not addressing the public every time I dramatically walk around slow walkers. 

Are you familiar with the British tabloid Wagatha Christie drama of 2019?

Yeah you are probably right - I am just trying and failing to understand a single valid reason that someone would continue a concert if that actually happened. And she’s been incredibly tiresome before so I’m probably a bit biased. Sorry.

This is what I found proved true after many years of office work: there are three ways to get hired — know someone, be a complete bullshitter, or be qualified. It’s split pretty evenly which means that 2/3 of the workforce isn’t really qualified for their jobs. And of course the higher-paying jobs have the biggest…

So it was about three months after I kicked my husband out of our Brooklyn apartment for having a long term affair. I was Not In A Good Place. In fact, I generally describe that time of my life as having discovered where my line in the sand was. But anyway.

I lost it at work on two guys who were being super shitty. I’m going to be light on details to keep this relatively short.

Ten years ago, I decided to go back to college to get my associate’s degree that I didn’t get ten years before because I had a kid instead. (Long story.) I majored in Business Administration, and was doing well until I came up against the beast known as Managerial Accounting.

You get the feeling he either quit that night and never drove again, or he’s been driving for 30 years telling the other cabbies, “Ha, that shit? Let me tell you what happened my first fucking night driving.”

Back in the days before Uber...hell, back in the days before everyone moved to Brooklyn, it could be a challenge to get a taxi to take you from Manhattan to the outer boroughs. Cabbies would ask you where you were going before you even got in the car, and if you said Brooklyn, they might just peel out into traffic to…

It takes an awfully brave/stupid man to tell his nine month pregnant wife that he needs his socks and underwear organized.

Everyone believes they are a nice person, even when they are a raging asshole.  They grade themselves on a curve. 

I just hope it also dyes your hands brown.

I also distinctly remember learning how to use a manual can opener to open a can of cranberry sauce for a Sunday dinner. My grandfather narrated the entire thing like it was a horse race and it was a victory when I made it all the way around the lid. 

So flashback to NYE 2006, about to be 2007. I was a senior in high school, seventeen, and my friends and I had a habit of going on night-time “escapades”, as they had been dubbed. (I think by me, but maybe not.) It was the height of the emo/scene kids, and there I was, a little Goth fairy-princess. Since none of our…

that’s a pretty good drawing of a butt, i’m still at the

(_(_|

level myself

My nan genuinely cancelled Christmas one year.

Hey, Maria - thanks for organizing these each week. I really look forward to the threads.