“The only ‘straining’ those ‘strained carrots’ saw was when a constipated rabbit SHAT THEM OUT INTO THE JAR!”

This makes me sad. Mr. Grapes proposed to me at Sweet Tomatoes and it is Junior’s favorite restaurant. Junior has always enjoyed it but as his teenage appetite grows all you can eat took on a new level of importance.

It’s been a long long week full of tantrums and I am dreading Monday as my husband goes back to work for the first time since mid March. BUT the week has been good too. I made myself a mask so I could go get my birth control shot ( totally essential). I spotted a rare ish bird (Grackle with leucism). The 3YO & I baked…

Every time something like this happens, I wind up thinking that coming for Chrissy Teigen is the internet equivalent of invading Russia in the middle of winter. And then somebody else is foolish enough to do it again...

Oh, I’m very sure the only person she does care about is her kids’ teacher.

꧁ ༒ Gℜiꪔ⃕es ༒꧂

Omg, I was just thinking about this book the other day. I bought it soon after it came out because my mother wasn’t big on cleaning and never really taught me techniques. Mendelson’s judgy tone and the sheer size of the thing filled me with anxiety and dread however and I gave it away pretty quickly. Unfuck Your…

She’s going to pull a J.K. Rowling and tweet some new canon. “Historically, vampires didn’t have toilets, they just peed blood to mark their territory” and “Bella actually preferred Jacob, but tragically she was allergic to wolf dander, so she settled for Edward”.

I had the same thought. I’m perplexed as to why I didn’t see any comments about this on the Instagram post. 

So basically, at least how I’m reading this, Gaga regularly assaulted and/or sexually assaulted Jordan because she wanted to go all “method acting”? And we’re going to be all “YAS KWEEN!” about it? O.K., then.

I grew up in Vermont and my Dad loved to ice fish.  We had a chocolate lab who loved water so much that he would put his head in every single ice fishing hole my dad drilled. The first time he did it I thought “there’s a mistake he won’t make again!" Wrong. He loved it. Came up, shook off, went to the next hole. He…

The only people fucking right now are couples who already live together but don’t have any kids. I can tell you for sure that nobody with children is even looking at each other right now, let alone boning. 

I will pretend to not understand shade thrown at Liam, my favorite, by those who support The Great Traitor, Zayn of House Malik.

Although I am not a billionaire, I too keep a machete by my front door “just in case.” This is because there is a decorative palm tree growing just outside my front door. The fronds of palm trees grow and grow, and as they grow the lowest ones sag, so as time goes on they hang lower and lower. Every few months I’ll be…

Or México since they got most of their original cases from the US.

I obviously have no way of knowing that.

Now, can someone get Julie Andrews to do it, too?

I’ve had a neighbour who’d bang on the ceiling if they thought we were being too loud when it was normal things. I’d stomp back. 

It was bizarre and awful. I imagine that somewhere out there there’s some musician who could make that combo work. But not at The Geode.*

Um, guys.