Vitamin-C you in court.

Kompass*

It’s the idea that suicide is something you can DO to a person by breaking their heart.  Obviously external circumstances can influence a person’s mood, but by saying it was because of a broken heart implies that Bourdain was wronged and whoever wronged him is somehow responsible for his death.  Not only that, but as…

i wish i could like this style, but as a woman with small titties and a fat belly, i look like a fully loaded baked potato gone to prom

Fire Rescue added that they also found a ballot box with ~15,000 votes floating half a mile away.

“Can you imagine 25 years of marriage, to one person, even Barack Obama? Or 25 years of anything?”

Oh, children. You don’t imagine the time. You imagine the things you’d like to do with your time. And then you try to do them.
(Just celebrated 26 years of marriage with Mr. UrbanAchiever and no, we didn’t imagine it. We…

You don’t. If he gives us an unpronounceable stage name, we give him a different one. He’s ‘FaceTatPedo’ to me.

Well I heard in the next show they’re featuring internet commenters with massive chips on their shoulders, so chin up!

I always feel a little sorry for americans abroad. Everyone understand what you’re saying, and we all eavesdrop. Whereas I can talk as much shit as I fell like and no one understands.

I don’t think you really understand how systemic exclusion works 

Language is fluid, but not milk goddamnit!

See also: Skyler White in Breaking Bad. People haaaatted her for... not loving the idea of being married to a meth kingpin?

If only there had been a good guy with a bottle of Yoohoo. 

I refuse to believe that Justin Timberlake has interesting enough sex to need a safe word.

I want my skull to be saved and bewjeweled and kept somewhere really unsettling 

Why would I want to be with someone who has been with hundreds of women? I would be afraid that he wouldn’t even remember my name afterwards. If you’re going to fuck a star, make it a hard star to fuck, and make it memorable for everyone involved. Have some fucking pride in your work.

Maybe they were expecting Black-Eyed Peas Fergie and someone’s wires got crossed.

I legit cackled at “dick and regret” and now everyone is looking at me funny...