For $5000 you could buy two Buick LeSabres, which are the best cheap car you can buy. 

That’s a very small piece of toilet paper for such a large piece of shit.

You’re not missing much, half the appeal is getting them while they’re hot, but any doughnut is great fresh out of the fryer is pretty magical. Beyond that they’re pretty marginal, and way to sweet by a factor of about 17.

Take the job.  Surreptiously record everything provided you are in a one party consent state.  Leak like crazy.

This looks like the setup for a bad word problem in a freshman college physics class or something.

Elon reportedly forced the Tesla board to pull out

I really have no idea why Hawaiian pizza is as bad as it is. Pineapple is delicious as a standalone ingredient but the second it hits pizza dough, the pizza is ruined. 

ASSLESS CHAPS

I don’t want to nitpick too much, and you even address the same issue within your first sentence using parenthesis, but I don’t want any reference to ‘swatting’ to be called anything other than a crime. It’s utter nonsense that it’s even something people are doing. Using language to reduce the severity of the act…

I don’t think the show is going to turn Serena into a real villain’s villain who purposely seduced both brothers, but the three of them are absolutely going to unwittingly fall into the usual trappings of Guild nonsense. In a true VB fashion, they’re going to staunchly deny being anything like it, all while going…

Because I live in a world where Kanye doesn’t exist, I was able to clip a good 15 minutes off the length of the show this week.

Best 10 tips from a veteran Canadian driver:

Frog guy’s reaction to the mug was the best part of the episode.

I still feel bad for that. Ghosted had a ton of potential.

What did Phillip V say to his son?

“Come in for dinner - we’ll Habsburgers and fries Anjou can have ice cream for dessert, but take off your shoes first - Utrecht dirt in from outside. Also, I had to renounce our claims to the French throne.”

(For the quadruple pun add, “Now go pour Daddy a Bourbon.”)

I’m like 90% sure it’s because you end up using most of your brain to remember not to say “fuck” in front of your kids.

Joe Rogan is increasingly becoming insufferable to me. I can’t sit through his shit longer than 5 minutes to see the one thing I’m there for.

Yeah, sure. But those have flavor. Flamin’ Hot Cheetohs don’t taste like anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re just fried corn meal blasted with capsaicin and red dye.

Swap THPS for THPS2.

Yeah I was surprised at how fast they blamed Joan for it EVEN THOUGH Joan was in no shape to beat Michael.