Dearly begloved, we are gathered today...

Man, I’ve never hit balls that hard even in video games, and dude does it without any effort at all. Never before have I seen a player more deserving of Mercy’s line to Roy Hobbs in The Natural—”Interesting, the way you mistreat a baseball.”

Shown: Donald Trump doing the same thing.

I think a reasonable finder’s fee would be the $1000 plus one hour of hoonage

Mani-Headi?

Chooooooooooch!

I am fascinated by the Stanley Cup and its history. I love the fact that the same trophy is passed to each championship team and that everyone’s names are engraved on it.

“Ya know, except for the characters they do share.”

I would star this comment, but that would cost me five stars.

Phillies Fans: We’ve been through worse!

Well, he’s clearly not missed in the batter’s box.

And now they have his fingerprints

“ The media won’t tell you this, but after only 4 months as president - I’m speaking to a crowd of new officers, 200 jobs that didn’t happen under Obama. These jobs would have otherwise gone to Mexico. No one is a better friend to the um... Connecticut Navy... than I am. “

The best part of the address was when the Coast Guard commandant told the graduating cadets, with President Fuckhole sitting two feet away, that the most important thing in life is to “tell the truth.” He just got trolled by the fucking Coast Guard.

That seems like a reasonable response. Wouldn’t you rather see your full-strength team beat his than him go down for the rest of the playoffs? That way you get to see him all sad and all.

Baseball fans... A hockey fan would have asked for stitches at her seat so she could catch the end of the game.

That kid should go play Golf

And yet Stephen A. still has his job...

Only guy on that list I truly loathe is Adam Eaton, because fuck Adam Eaton, the pitcher who once managed to walk Randy Johnson on four pitches with the bases loaded. That should be physically impossible.