Turkey fun fact time, people.

"Tattoos don't define a person. They're still human." Tattoos are human? Pronoun-antecedent agreement, people!!!

If you could have Xanax and sex, would life be perfect? I want to say "yes."

*takes a Xanax*

Dude here, I braided mine like Willie Nelson.

I think it's just a little too grown up for some people.

Because "don't use my music in advertising" being in a guy's will is something worth honoring.

If no one disliked Mad Men, I wouldn't have any reason to feel smug and superior for loving it.

So it is just like Jenna Maroney's Japanese Paper Diet. You get to eat all the paper you want.

Big [citation needed] on the claim that cotton balls are "often" polyester. We do have some product labeling requirements in force in the USA. (Let alone the business with "bleached". Natural fibers are the ones that can be kinda brown coming out of the fields, and so get bleached to whiten them up. The…

I soak mine in a Bloody Mary.

ASSTR.org has every type of written porn known to mankind on it.

How about picking me up from the bus stop instead?

Far be it from me to tell people how to do their sex shopping, but liquor and sex toys probably make for someone at some point trying to get it on in the cafe.

I am so verklempt!

Oh, Onion. You do such good things. Why did you have to turn The AV Club into an ugly, cluttered, and wildly disorganized flaming pile of shit?

I believe 'Buckminsterfill'erene' is the pun you are groping for.

I agree people should do the right thing, but what's so wrong with making it easier and less annoying for people to do the right thing?

It'll be computers, don't kid yourself.

Fourth Wave Feminism issues: