If God did exist, he'd have never made him queer.

Classic church fat guy

Yikes

This might make me sound like a pedant, but the subheading of this article should read: "Welcome to World." I thought it sounded off when I watched it, so I rewound it and put on closed captions—sure enough, he says "Welcome to World." Or the subtitles are wrong.

It covers a scar, if I recall correctly. He got his throat slit during a knife with a cartel member. But he wore the bandana before that, so I don't know why I mentioned the fight thing.

It seems like they're getting more leeway with the darker stuff each season.

Paul Rudd (Romeo + Juliet)

When did that rapper eat his girlfriend? I think that was after James Brown.

I was trying to make a joke about the criminalization of people with addiction issues or the lack of treatment options for regular folks, but instead I got too angry to think.

My PCP makes me feel good, look good, smell good—and make love good.

He really should look into a nice Tommy Bahama. Hell, with all that Community money he could probably even spring for a fine-ass Tori Richard.

I won't make fun of his weight. But I will say that shirt is entirely too small.

Yeah, but they had consensual oral sex the day before, so it's different…somehow.

I think I actually have met someone who is 100% the worst. Thankfully, he's too fucking stupid to attain any real power over people.

I think you just called it

Can't you two see, you're each other's best friends.

I insist that people address me as "doctor" and I don't even have a PhD.

I'm thinking me and Eddie would go to the trampoline park, then I got to get going, I've got work in the morning and need my sleep.

Shit, bro, I'm so sorry.

I think Nebraska and The Nice Guys would have made my list.