Nobody thought to cut this?

“He didn’t *steer* anything!” —LaVar to Chinese cops

Going to church every Sunday doesn’t make you a Christian, either. Just someone who goes to church a lot.

A lot of people like the prestige of being “Christian” without the work of following Christ.

He refuses to drink milk because Big Dairy is a failing industry propped up only by government subsidies.

Usually when there’s blanket coverage, the redskins lose.

They might be Giants, but I doubt it.

Reason #47 to switch to bidets.

This guy is a major leaguer and I’m not?

The failure is on Dave Roberts. Kershaw warned us that only Jesus can save, but Roberts brought in Kenley anyway.

Kapler’s come a long way.

Did the Redskins kick the Niners a 4th rounder under the table?

They’re the ones smart enough to understand the nuance that Goodell is the inmates who run the prison of owners who hire him to police the...aww, fuck, I give up.

Don’t worry, it’s Amazon, it won’t ever be profitable.

“I mean, my name ain’t George Dick.” —GWB, circa 1989, upon getting slapped

As a rabid feminist and self-identifying “good guy,” I blanche at the hazy recollection of some of my borderline early-20's behavior.

He wanted to show he could complete his deep balls.

“You’re MY franchise...wait.”

I keep my dentist in business.

I know that farm/corn maze. I cheated there, too—in the form of getting a clandestine blowjob.