[holds it in]

I think Charmin Sandiego is a better name than The Mad Pooper.

Who’d have thought this would be the Hill ESPN chose to die on

I did some posting on the AV Club site, but Husker Du meant more to me than just the albums and shows (which kicked ass). I moved to a new city (outside NYC) at 14, had zero friends, was socially awkward, dealing with being the new kid in a smallish high school, was probably pretty depressed, but I made an effort and…

There’s a team called the Ham Fighters?! How have we not made the Indians or the Braves change their name to Ham Fighters yet? Please let their mascot be drunk Homer fighting a ham.

My apologies for failing to note this in the piece, but I have NEVER received used footwear from the White Sox or any other professional baseball franchise. I’m an objective, unbiased observer. Thanks.

Yeah well I’m trying to pretend that I didn’t just eat a whole sleeve of Oreos, but reality is a harsh mistress.

I’d say a significant number of those viewers, although I won’t put a number on it, were driven to Deadspin because of the funny joke I made in the comments comparing Phil Jackson to a dog licking his own asshole.

Do those 1.3m or so views in August include me furiously reloading the page while yelling “WHERES MY FUCKIN EAGLES PREVIEW DREW” or Is that all counted as one

This shit right here is so fucking stupid. If you think racism is dead, police across the country do a fantastic job and definitely don’t target people, or that voter suppression is an issue we still face today, then you’re a white supremacist. Not because you necessarily believe the white race is superior, but…

In response, Dolan accused the filing of having an alcohol problem.

That’s not just alcoholism. That kind of hallucination can only be achieved through a combination of absinthe, mezcal, and peyote.

Even if they could find that guy he wouldn’t be able to move in the pocket and they would have the same problems getting sacked. I mean it must be IMPOSSIBLE to get a guy week 1 that could be a dual threat QB.

If only there were a quarterback out there who, after biding his time on the bench, took over a team with a stacked defense and got to the Super Bowl. But those guys aren’t just available at this point of the season, right?

This is the kind of article I come to Deadspin for.
#whyistayed

Welcome to Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week, a recurring feature in which we celebrate the worst quarterback play the NFL has to offer.

counterpoint; definitely do NOT go look at what the Colts are doing.