"essence of cantilever," "hints of necrotized plum," "shades of amuse bouche," "an airy, almost calligraphic flavor," "a miasma of inadequate conjugation"

She's the only reason my ex and I are still friends ;).

I had a rescue chow like that. The first night I tried to get her to sleep on the bed she was like, "no thank you" and curled up behind my Papasan chair. It hurt my feelings.

Oh my god I want to cry. My ex's collie/kelpie is the exact same level of annoying when you're trying to sleep! She especially likes to stick her long collie legs in your face.

I went on a horrible, horrible, horrible blind date where the guy proclaimed that he found my social anxiety "irresistible." He decided to tell me this as I was explaining that I no longer wanted to see him due to my anxieties about dating. Classy.

A fabulous dress by any other name is still a fabulous dress, though I will be calling it that from now on.

Soooooo I need this dress in my life stat.

I am literally in tears. TEARS. Thank you for this.

Wait you're supposed to toss your hair, not mercilessly make fun of the guy like an 8 yr-old? Damn.

I agree!

I forgot about the ash diamond! Hmm...I could turn my ashes into a family jewel to be handed down from generation to generation...

No embalming/diorama for me. Just set me on fire* and be done with it.

YOU CAN HAVE THEM ALL.

Almost-Berthas unite! I was almost a Bertha too!

I'm on Team Dog so I think the initials ARF are awesome!

Nice catch by your dad.

Bertha. Swear to god, my dad wanted to name me Bertha due to family reasons, and my mother had to convince him that I would never, ever, EVER forgive him for naming me that.

Now see, that I approve of :).

Just make sure it's 100% honey and not honey mixed with corn syrup. I use the method outlined here, except I use it in the shower.

Why can't you have salad?