I'm happy for you, but I'm also a little sad inside now.

*slow clap*

Did you stop at the coat? Did you sleep in your street clothes? Gawd, the suspense has been killing me!

Stop hitting yourself.

Did Shyamalan write this synopsis himself?

It's preferable to call hookers "hookers."
It's preferable to call janitors "sanitation professionals," however.
Nobody's here to confirm your point-of-view.
Buh-locked.

Wednesday morning.

Well, let's not give Chicago too much credit. The most popular radio station there at the time was WLUP "The Loop," which played all that Rush, Journey, Billy Squier crap. It also played plenty of Elvis Costello though, too. It was the station that sponsored the "Disco Sucks" riot at White Sox park. It had a TV…

Couldn't this have waited until Thursday?

That's a great idea, Drunken Superman! Somebody should totally make a movie based on World War II! I don't know why no one has thought of that!

Weren't we all dying to know what this piece of shit was thinking on the subject?

Notice Melania doesn't look at it.
Eclipses burn witches.

"They say you can't look directly at it. Fake. Who's gonna tell me where I can and cannot look. Amirite, folks? The sun is the most beautiful planet there is. God made the sun. First day. I think it was the first day. I heard it was. People are saying. One of the days. God made the sun. That makes it…

I can't decide whether I want to see IT or not. On, the one hand, I love horror movies. On the other hand, modern horror movies tend to disappoint me. On the one hand, I've never been afraid of clowns. On the other hand, I'm not that big of a fan of Stephen King, either. On the one hand, the trailers did nothing…

*tries to think of something to say to Alien Jesus but realizes AJ already knows*

That's funny.

(Psst. Bye Kirk. Now I know what it feels like to be left behind too.)

What's this about people stealing usernames over at Kinja?

Everybody wants to be somebody they're not.

It's so funny that you think I didn't know that.