Wait. That's actually too close to being a real sports metaphor. I thought we were doing satirical sports-adjacent-but-not-sticking-the-landing metaphors?

Yeah. It's less "fucking bullshit masculinity," than it's "fucking bullshit ego."

I don't know much about Washington, D.C.'s concealed-carry gun laws, and I'm terrified about September 16th.

♪ Arroooooo! ♪

Um, the guy was my governor. I routinely had to see him in his natural environment. Your assumption is incorrect. He'd be more of the type who'd immediately try to convince the Log Cabin Republicans that they should be a little less inclusion-based.

That's cheating. And, as Lance Armstrong can attest, cheating does not prevent cancer.

medically-induced coma.

It was a pizza parlor, and it was in support of their not wanting to have to serve to gay people.

He loves Billy Joel, so it checks out.

Overstated but kinda true. Mike Pence is one big, closeted and repressed poofda, waiting to shed his skin-tight Christian upper-crust and break into show-tunes, jazz-handing his way all around some very muscular young men in very inappropriate, non-consensual ways.

Sad, horrified upvote.

Who? Oh, the sports guy. Sports have been ruined. I want to see ESPN go nearly as much as I want to see FOX go.

Gawd. Indianapolis. We suck, so hard.

It could be 4 hours of hard news, 1/2 hour opinion, 1/2 hour comedy satirizing opinion, and 18 hours of vetted, documentary-style journalism.

We need to cold-turkey ourselves off insta-news from TV and internet and return to newspapers and long-form discussion.

No punditry, no McLaughlin Group influence, no Twitter, no celebrity gossip, no sexy young royals…Just journalism vetted by smart people.

997 steps to go.

Good lord! How can that be a real thing!??! How can it not be common, disgusted knowledge that that's a real thing?!!? Do your fucking work, mainstream media! Expose this sh!t when it's around, not when crisis makes it relevant but easily lost in all the other horrific information!

WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!!?

If the media or Democratic Party really wanted to discredit their opposition, all they'd need to do is barrage the public with the actual history of those monuments. When they were erected. By whom. In what context. Why.