You're cruel, man.

You find the yugest bombs, and you stamp T-R-U-M-P across them in bigly gold letters.

Granted. And I'm allowed to mock you mercilessly for your crappy tastes.

"Fawning poptimism" has peaked? Cool theory. Tell me more; your views interest me; I'd like to subscribe, etc.

Ooh. The "pretentious" word. I'm wounded. Really, really, um, Nah.

Gawd, 'XRT breaks my heart.

Yes! THAT'S the kind of film I'm talking about!

Nothing is happening with North Korea. You have to really worry about the thing the North Korea show is distracting you from. You may not even learn what it all was for another three-seven years, and it will be horrendous that it happened.

Bumblefuck's first tweet this morning…

You know what sounds like a real trolly, dicky weblication? The Awl. Haven't checked, but I bet it has a comment section run by Kinja.

7 levels of chess, indeed.

Am I the only who hopes they never make a movie out of this? I go to the movies to be entertained.

cuddlebastard…There's a Kinjapox a-comin.' Ya take good care o' yersef now, ya hear?

What about when you were wrestling? Did you ever try to gain unfair advantage by ripping one?

Technically…only if Obama had slept on that family, though.

There were a lot of jellyfish.

If you ever want an example of "hyperbole" to take with you to impress your fifth grade teacher, try this one: "…Groundhog Day is one of the best comedies to ever come out of Hollywood…"

He climbed over a woman for no reason. That's so-rapey! Hilarious!

Lookit Mr. Amirite-Ladies? over there!

I had this idea an hour later than you did.
Great minds think slowly.