If this is the new Mooch, will he last more or fewer than 10 days?

Technically, when one sucks, sometimes one is breathing in empty air. Since this guy is dickless, yes, I will allow it.

Again. And this, I'll never get tired of saying: Not an old person.

What if you wanted to throw a party, but all the invites were Returned to Sender?
You'd probably spend time with your family. Or try to find a job. You know, in a sector of some kind.

"He makes a lot of phone calls. Innocent mistake."

America never was. It's been a oversold, overhyped myth since the beginning. More of us than usual are simply waking up to the truth now, just as former generations have at various times before going back to sleep. We'll get our nap, don't worry.

“This is fine. This is normal. The house isn’t on fire.”

Reagan seemed to do alright with the unwashed masses.

Wired's got a leaked transcript from a Jarvanka meeting with staffers on Mid-East Peace.

We NEED that vacation. He can't do anything stupid while on vacation, can he?

Got anything on Kesha and her struggles?

Who do the Popes think they are? The Beatles in 1966?

This one, I don't really hate. I mean, in principle, sure, but it's just so damned childish and silly. Trump is channeling Rick James from Chappelle's Show

Paging Xanderpuss. Mr. Xanderpuss.

Imagine the golfing twaffles he was with when he said that. Imagine them sitting there in their carts, their fat legs spread all across the seats to let their "boys" air out. Slogging down their cocktails. Locker-room-talking it up with their caddies. Imagine them sniggering along, thinking, "Hehehe. Finally, one…

He's down 20 points in the Rasmussen poll. Think about that. I mean, that's the poll that was invented to stroke the egos of deluded Republicans. That's gotta fucking hurt.

Speak for yourself, Brandon. I haven't spent $10 on a lunch since 2008.

Right? That jackass had to go national to get his stupid shit done.

Fake news!

Twenty cents!