This computer is due to be replaced. Maybe I’ll just toss it and take up more traditional hobbies like gardening, bonsai or serial killing.

World War Z is that kind of book for me.

I honestly wish the manufacturers of candy and chips would just list how many calories/macronutrients are in the whole bag. None of this “per serving” nonsense when the package contains 2.4 servings and I have no way to accurately divide it up.

Here... have some dessert with those fries..

i’m in favor of all forms of idiot taxes

What about gluten free toxins?

Don’t forget snake venom. Natural and organic.

I always start my day off with an all natural breakfast of a bowl of lava and a live bear.

The fact that he’s somehow pooping them out cooked, yes.

You mean it's a lie!

Yes, they do stop growing when you get older. They just kinda fall out and don’t come back. I’m not even that old but my eyebrows, even where I’ve never plucked, are thinning out. Good thing I started out with thick ones, I guess.