There is no acceptable alternative that I've found.

Buy Tito's. Case closed.

Simple. Comanche.

Years and years ago my grandpa actually had a paddle in his car that you could hold up and flip through various messages. Some polite like "sorry," and some rude like the "same to you turkey" pictured. He didn't actually use it, it was more of a joke, but us grand kids liked to play around with it.

I have done every single one of these many times. Except rear-ending someone at an intersection, only did that once.

Last I checked the roads were designed to accommodate car-sized objects.