Trump/Goodell 2016

Wrigley evacuated because of bomb threat?

I can't believe it's over. I refuse to believe that it's over. Goddammit, if being a gay has taught me anything, it's that you can do a going away tour over and over for 10 fucking years. Put on some makeup and take it on the road for a decade, Jon! (Your wallet will thank you!!!!)

You know, Tim, some people don’t get “funny” because they’re stupid or retarded. That said, I can’t wait for the whole “takes” thing to come to an ass-grinding ass-grinding. It’s called an opinion for fuck’s sake.

I knew what I signed up for as a Christian. If you stand for what you believe, people have to respect you.”

To be fair, their previous slogan was: “jammin’ it up the middle”

Bette just won twittering

Cocopop AVERAGE VAGINA was my original Jezebel screen name.

They need to take this further. Can we get this in court? A subpoena for pics of Leto’s penis?

But we’re talking about Texas Jesus here, so I’m not so sure.

She looks like a foot with eyes.

Holy fuck are you stupid. Please tell everyone you have no intention on breeding

I’m releasing a book in 250 days; it’s going to be twice as good as her’s. Can I get a daily column to color of my morning poops?

Four womens in a hospital that aren't nurses?

Team World? Fuck that, it’s Team America! Fuck yeah!

Seriously made me feel old

Yay! My favorite annual series is back with a roaring start.

From all indications thus far, she certainly doesn’t sound like someone who would be in a mental state to consider suicide.

Just remember that when it comes to playing dead to get bears to leave you alone, it was likely the bears that came up with the idea.

Really starting to look like Jack’s record of majors wins is going to stand for the foreseeable future.