shark!

“like sandwiching your penis between your mattress and box springs (yes, lots of guys do this).”

Penis goes here. (My penis.)

Sepp Blatter is reconsidering his decision to resign as FIFA president, according to a report from the Swiss newspaper Schweizen-oopzen.

As a gay, I can say: oh so right

To be fair, you are a Silly Pancake.

Uh, sorry ‘bout that. I really had to go.

Those are the real figures? As the kids say, FML.

Hey, to be fair, the folks who govern emoji are actively debating one of Frontal Wall of My Vagina... or FWOMV (pronounced fa-wha-mah-gah)

“I... agreed to read the book and read it, and vomited, and then, having read it again, and vomited again - much like you, I was like, ‘Oh, this is an awful movie and it’s something really, really interesting that nobody really wants to see, like, in the sense that a body-mangling car crash is something nobody wants…

“Never trust a fatty to start anything in sports.”

Kit Harington makes my happy bits happy.

I’m having meatloaf for dinner.

I don’t think I’m comfortable with tossing my phone anywhere. Or, rather, catching it if tossed back to me.

Quite patriotic

I like no one involved in this jackassery

Me too! He was the grandpa I always wanted: smart and snarky... to everyone

mmmmm ham water

You are my gif god

Remember as Homer said: “It’s a uterUS, not a uterYOU.”