So this is what it's like when a story has no hero in it

Ray Rice gets two weeks (initially).

The bullpen's trot to the infield during these baseball "brawls" has to be, by far, the silliest thing to see in all of sport. Like that douche bag friend of yours who always conveniently shows up to the scene of the bar fight/confrontation, all tough, right after things have cooled down and the opposition has…

I feel like the guy in the dumb hardhat thing and the Dockett jersey is just trying to help the aforementioned poor bastard in the blue shirt. He attempts to break the brawler's grip on his throat, and then punches him when that doesn't work. But the cameraman calls him out like he's part of the fight.

Dalton was almost killed on that play. I am amazed that teams would be so reckless with a key player.

Hootie Johnson: /sees four black guys watching the putt

I think the question we should all be asking is what did Austin Davis do to provoke Jared Cook?

I'm guessing he just thought it was a fan with a jersey on, as he didn't know who Austin Davis is either.

And the unedited tape shows Rice presenting a box of chocolates, tenderly brushing his wife's hair from her face and going on blended knee to proclaim his infinite love.

Thank goodness Ray chose muted, dark colors. You can much more easily get stains out of that after having all of the NFL Countdown staff spray their coffee out of their mouths in shock.

This is an accurate description of the process.

Holy shit that banner illustration. I can't imagine that work-order.... Hey Jim... here's what I need.....

Not a fan of Claustrophobic Benji.

One great thing about living here in America is that even if you are downtrodden, unemployed, your wife has cheated on you, or you're a Bucs fan, you can still sit down alone on your dirty couch in your crappy studio apartment with your hot plate and enjoy the luxury of Knob Creek® Bourbon with its big, full flavor…

Jens hired a brass quintet to play a celebratory song after every lap, but the pace was too fast. The overworked musicians ended up falling off the grandstand and suffering grave injuries. They're gonna need lap-band surgery.

German cyclist Jens Voigt rode 51.115 kilometers—or almost 32 miles—in an hour at the Velodrome Suisse in Switzerland tonight.

The only thing better than Kirk Cousins is Knob Creek® Bourbon with its big, full flavor and range of outstanding offerings can enhance almost any food order.

You should work for Gawker.

Besides the rape, the thing I would least enjoy about prison is not getting to enjoy a glass of Knob Creek® Bourbon with its big, full flavor and range of outstanding offerings can enhance almost any food order.