I think refusing the drug tests would be a much bigger admission of guilt.

Yup. I wont be bothering with the movie either.

Ugh, I don’t really have any suggestions, but I have sympathy. My husband has been out of town for over a month, and I think I’m beginning to forget how to talk to adults...

I’m jealous.

Wow. Never thought I’d be proud of prison guards.

Yessssssss!

It’s too late to edit but I thought of one better- driving back from a party one night we decided it would be fun to take turns sitting on the roof of the car and steering with our feet stuck through the sunroof.

Train hopping or hitchhiking, probably.

Right? Made the top five least favorite ways to wake up.

No worries, I called him some spectacular names as well. It’s one of the most mind bogglingly stupidest things he’s ever done. So stupid you’re almost impressed.

Eh, we eventually worked it out. The trying to hide it was much more of an issue for me than the actual affair.

It all came about because the alarm on his phone was going off at 5am and I eventually got up to turn it off- and the new texts were right there on the unlock screen. :\

It all worked out in the end, but it was a really shitty way to find out. People can be so unbelievable sometimes.

Texts to my husband from the girl he was sleeping with.

Darwin Award material. :(

All of a sudden, I kinda like Gigi Hadid.

But they couldn’t be bothered to redesign the seat belts to avoid injuring women in accidents? Nah, didn’t think so.

I think I’m going to go buy a bag of skittles.

Your dying dog doesn’t give a shit about your wedding, selfish humans.

Or recruit someone at the wedding large enough to carry the dog without causing it discomfort. Like, I dunno, the guy walking right next to the maid of honor.