That smell, though. I once stopped at a gas station after driving 8 hours over night. It was 6 am. They had a fully-operating Subway inside, and a trucker was getting a meatball sub. It was all I could do to keep from vomiting on the register. I will never willingly go near a Subway.

Ill have them all, poured in a single glass, with an olive. Pleas and thank you.

Um, no. I enjoy tasting things that taste good. Not because it's always been around, but because it tastes good in my mouth. Drinking isn't the evil, anymore than cakes or donuts or cheese or anything else is the evil.

Some of us need to drink to make being around people like you tolerable.

Seriously. Erykah Badu is an icon known first and foremost for her music. Azalea Banks is some little shit who is most famous for feuding with Iggy Azalea. It's cute that she thinks Erykah Badu is jealous of her.

"I tried it but it wasn't my thing. I'm probably too old to get it." = Not Shade.

Oh Azalea Banks, I love you I love your music, but honey you're crazy. Since when is turning on your locations indication you want someone to come fight you????

If a child crying for a minute is a sign they should be left home then toddlers should just never appear in public, ever.

Dear Azealia Banks,

I have two minds about this. One is that you are totally right — a fashion show is no place for a toddler. No one else would dare to bring a baby there. The other is, these are parents who, if they don't take their kid to work on a semi-regular basis, would never, ever see their kid. It's actually kind of nice to see…

Azealia is so clearly insecure with herself. And for someone who spends 99% of her time picking fights with people, you'd think she'd have some better insults. Oooh making fun of a woman's age. Sick burn.

Banks needs to shut her mouth. Badu even was gonna take the heat on it by saying she didn't get it due to age. That's not shade. Saying something isn't your scene doesn't mean you're trashing it.

North West is Everything.

Azealia: It's cool when you go after Iggy, because obviously. But this is Erykah fucking Badu. Show some respect.

You can almost hear the champagne corks popping.

Jon Stewart always gave me a way to work through the anger and frustration and ridiculousness and wrongdoings of politics and people. Whatever awful thing had happened, you could watch him and even though the problem didn't get better, you at least could work through it and just go "Ya, somebody fucking gets it." And…

Fuck off, chubby

Craggs has gone to my last two book release parties and, awesomely, worn the same Cubs shirt to both.

At Nick Denton's wedding, one of the few images I remember vividly is Craggs grinding with his girlfriend up against a mirrored wall, completely shithoused, looking at himself in the mirror (tuxedo-clad, flawless, primal, sweaty) before looking down at her. Up and down, up and down, gyrating, shallow thrusts.