There’s a sad, sad part of me that truly believes Trump is the president America deserves.

Honestly, the US didn’t deserve the Obamas. The crap we put them through was shameless, and they handled it with such poise and grace. Also, yay, National Parks!

There is no doubt in my mind that he IS going to be remembered as one of the best presidents we’ve had. Thank you, Mr. President.

This is so unfair! On our cool blog we make sure everyone knows how safe gun owners are and how they save people’s lives all day long. Like kids, and family members, and friends, and co-workers, and customers, and girlfriends and husbands, and people taking gun safety classes, and concealed carry people, and complete…

Seafood, ranked:

No, because they are terrible.

I think that if every person loves pizza and your mom does not love pizza, the only conclusion I can draw is that your mom, wonderful as she may be, is not a person.

*gay’nt

Much like South Park, Schumer fearlessly tackles taboo subjects like incest and bodily excretions, except she’s a person, not a cartoon.

I just did that with a guy 10 years my junior and goddamnit, it worked!

Ha, the breakup narrative was so flattering to him. He loved her but he just wasn’t in love with her, you know? She was desperately in love with him and wanted to get married but he so wasn’t feeling that. So, much respect! She’s probably just not a very sexual person.

Wait, do bezoars exist outside of Harry Potter?

No wonder Japanese didnt recognise the nuclear warnings.

No it’s not just putting the flag inverted. the color is very important there. Blue means peace, Red means War. Our flag is actually full of symbolism like the 3 stars and the sun they all have unique meaning.

How are you? I’m thinking of you and everyone else in our community who has to be a journalist today when maybe they just want to grieve.

Yes it’s 2016, in an age of daily mass shootings across the country. A “toy”, or in this case a fucking replica that looks identical to the real thing should not have been in the hands of a 12 year old, unsupervised in a public setting, period. It did not look like a toy, it looked exactly like a functioning fucking…

The reason why this so often works is that we’re institutionalized to believe that rape is a crime committed by monsters. So if you can convince the judge that you’re not a monster, you’re just a kid who made a bad choice, you can make him question if you’re even really a rapist at all.

Blacks are to be tolerated.

Dang it. I was really proud of that joke.

Is this one real?