I’m all for a hunter green sports coupe with a tan leather interior. That’s pure SEX, my friends.

My family owned a tan/beige Chevy Astro. My mom took one look at it and told my dad “we should have had fewer kids.”

Only Messi really knows how taxing those ten years were, however.

Given that his preferred destination is the Lakers, it is safe to say he’s had it with middling teams and wants to graduate to perennial 11th seed lottery recipient shitholes.

Hopefully the future of sports news isn’t video game gossip being shoved down our throats by a razor company. Oh wait, that’s Deadspin.

Show us the feet sweetie.

draft a chain-smoking career loser who spends his free time housing donuts by the dozen and hitting on his teammates’ wives

Just a bunch more American billionaires looking to let Russia win.

Yea, Rollins was great. But he can never compare to the stream of Triple A players subbing in for injury prone Chase Utley.

If they’re looking for an unoccupied space that’s hosted bowls, how about Mark Davis’ head?

Yes. Speedy singles hitters routinely become 50 HR guys overnight during the height of the steroid era without assistance. It was just the creatine!

You can’t really dress up as an Indian or cowboy anymore, and recently a lot of the public has turned on the police. There just aren’t a lot of good options left.

David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jets

If Mr. Depp’s agents were “trying to show excess, they’re in the wrong place,” added Mr. Goldstein

To make matters even worse, their star player, At Least We’re Not The Cubs, is out for the foreseeable future.

A priest, a rabbi and an atheist walk into a bar.

Because he strung some words together that could maybe kinda be construed as a joke, but mostly just seems like a stupid insult of a sports team, Matheny is being sued for impersonation by the Deadspin comments.

The Process is starting to look less like an Amway style pyramid scheme and more of a Heaven’s Gate type situation

I don’t know what Phil’s angle here is, but the triangle is obtuse.

“The open canonical lawsuit is real — and legitimate.”