The price and the seller both are higher than Willie Nelson. Pipe. 

These always seemed like an OK choice for someone who wanted something much like an ES300, but didn’t want an actual ES300.

I consider it luxurious to not have my nuts sticking to my leg after a 10-minute car ride in the summertime, so I’ll take the wool upholstery. 

Yup. California has the roads. 

One of those Red Bull Mini Coopers. Just replace the giant Red Bull can with a keg. 

Oh, God. What if you have to take one of those dumps with a lot of, uh, pneumatic assistance? I imagine it’d blow the bottom right out of the bag. Ugh.

I’m just a little bit older, but in my group 2nd-gen Acura Legends played a similar role. Two of my friends in high school had access to their parents’ Legends, and man, they were fun cars for big luxury sedans.

Just looking at it is making me hungry.

I remember being able to get it in DFW at least until 1993 or so. By then it was mostly just on grocery store shelves, but for the first couple of years I remember some fast-food places having both on the soda fountain.

New Coke was ass.

So, wait, a brothel owner is sponsoring an event that’s sure to attract a bunch of virgins?

The fact that none of them are on fire marks them as obvious fakes. 

Oh, god. I moved from Dallas back to Los Angeles a few years ago, and I am appalled by how goddamned slow people move out here. Californians are fine people in many ways, but too laid back for their own good sometimes. I thought for sure the pace out here would be faster than Dallas. 

And its name doesn’t sounds like genitals at all. 

OK, I get that.

This German car died before the warranty period even began.

Back when the drivers were fat and the tires were skinny. 

Yeah, the difference is pretty stark when you’re comparing the Cutlass to a Thunderbird or Cougar XR-7 of the same era.

I’m not feeling the nostalgia the automotive media seem to be trying to stoke with the end of New Beetle production.

Lol, I’ll bet you’re that guy who’s always bumming rides off your friends who have cars.