Kids are fucking smart! They are smarter than us in the sense that their brains are just firing on all cylinders. They just don’t have as much knowledge.

When I was twelve and had just started babysitting, one of the kids I watched was about two and a half. One night, I was putting his baby sister to bed, and all of a sudden I hear this tortured sobbing from his room. The poor boy had tried to be helpful and put on his own pajamas, but he got his head stuck in the…

IF he has nothing to hide then WHY did the academy awards happen on a leap year?? If he's not a terrorist then why do flamingos stand on one leg while they sleep? I for one want answers.

They didn’t believe that clock was a bomb for even a minute, though. They snapped pictures of it, posed around the thing, didn’t evacuate the school, and sent the kid to the principal’s office. You don’t send a bomber to get a stern talking-to.

This is wonderful, thank you for sharing it.

I asked my cat if he would be into being fed less.

I am surpized how many critics have been bashing this episode, when my friends and I were thrilled with it, pretty much top to bottom.

Kanyes’s new line is um, interesting.

Remember, no matter how nuts you are for her, if she likes someone else, it’s irrelephant.

How the heck do you get “constantly” from “sometimes”? No one is suggesting that talking about their kids constantly is workplace-appropriate at all. But having to pretend you don’t have kids is ludicrous. Every dude I work with mentions his kids at least occasionally and has family pictures on his desk, and there’s…

How does this help chip at the glass ceiling? Doesn’t it merely continue the status quo? If women have to continually pretend they don’t have kids in order to get ahead then all women will always have to pretend they don’t have kids.

Blaster fire can’t melt quadanium plates.

Biting into a KitKat like that?

Do you also get the most incredulous faces? Like WHOA I AM A MAN YOU SEE ME RIGHT?

In a similar but unrelated note, I now bump into men who walk right into my path instead of moving to the side as we pass on narrow sidewalks.

Post-wine texted this to the ex-husband who keeps contacting me

Christopher Hitchens was a prolapsed asshole.

This revenge baby thing is false. Revenge is a dish best served cold and as far as I know babies must be served at 98.6 degrees.

sex workers can be raped too...

Why is there no vomiting emoji?