I wish you were a lady, because by your logic, that rant would have been two to three paragraphs shorter.

If we can’t lord our superior sportiness over women, what even is the point of being a man?

Did you know her grandpa fought in the Korean war?

Eric: “I comb his hair!”

This is why I don’t allow you to dine alone with other men, mother...

I’m here to win medals and get laid, and it looks like they’re all out of medals.

IMO he also played it safe by running on 2nd down of their final possession. With the clock stopping for the two minute warning no matter what I feel like he should have call his safest pass play to try and get a first down.

Remember kids, you count on Clay, you’ll end up poor; and poor kids get lice.

Do not ride in bed of pickup, especially if you are a Bengal.

They’re big boy pants for a big boy.

He probably tells his tailor he’s 6'3.

Me and my boy Gaear prefer the ones up in Brainerd.

And yet try to tell this man there’s no difference between Pat’s and Geno’s. 

And that’s not all. Sounds like it’s full of mainland lawyers, too.

Yeah, well, you can’t go around being afraid all the time. I mean, if I let my fear control me, I wouldn’t have asked one of the most popular girls in 6th grade if she wanted to ‘go’ with me. But I muttered the 6th grade version of ‘fuck it’ to myself, and asked her, and now look at me! 35 years later, still scarred…

The knee bone’s connected to the beer gut.

That’s a burner. So Miami doesn’t find out about the cities he’s screwing on the side

Pacino: Say hello to my little friend.

Shouldn’t he be looking the other way?

Such a shame. I always like stories to have a happy ending.