Hi! Five cent burger girl here! I know it wasn't you but some rando in the grey and I just wanted to respond (so this is not directed at you Bridgette!)

Dear God in Heaven I have GOT to start watching non-toddler movies, because my first reaction to your story was, “that’s the scene in Cars 2 with Mater at the buffet” and then was astounded that no one else commented the same.

May be a day late, and I may have even told this before. Small town OG, first mid-priced chain in town that wasn’t Mexican. People just didn’t know how to act in public. One day I was working in one of the rooms, clearing tables that hadn’t been pre-bussed. The tables were full of bone-china plates, and being…

Maybe if everyone is interpreting your comments a certain way, it is time to take a step back and think about how you are presenting your opinion.

This isn’t a restaurant story, but Holly Samuels’ story immediately brought this to mind:

About 9 years ago I worked for a city-run event space in California. Because we were right off the main drag, a lot of people came in looking for just general information about the area. We were told that we needed to help…

Even so, he again makes a big show of sniffing the cork ...

Cafépress is a wonderful thing.

Stories of restaurant revenge have to be seen in context as less a reaction to a single incident, but rather the end product of months or years of getting shit on by awful customers. 99% of the time the customer who raised the server’s ire deserved it, but they’re not the only one to blame, all the assholes who eroded…

- The wife telling me that she needed a different side that wasn’t vegetables because she was allergic to all vegetables.

Yes, terrible muggers. That’s not how you choose targets, either. The best mugging targets are families rich-looking couples with children are usually the best. You want to corner them on the way home from the theater or the opera, because they’ll be distracted and dressed up. You definitely want to take any jewelry…

I work in healthcare and get to particpate in some pretty cool life-saving emergent situations. Picture a liter of soda because that’s how I am going to reference quantity.

God, this shit happened all the time when one of my ex-girlfriends worked at Borders. Because of the size of the store, they could never know if the parents were still there, but as the kid’s section supervisor it turned her job into a circus of apprehensive hovering when a toddler was just clomp-clomping around…

Let me just get the Pinkham’s Law out of the way, because I don’t see any yet and I’m SURE it’ll happen-

ARGLE BARGLE BUT RESTAURANT MANAGERS WORK HARD TOO AND NEVER GET TIPS DID YOU KNOW RESTARANT MONAGERS CARE ONLY ABOUT THE SUCCESS OF THE RESTESRAUNT AND ARE SELFLESS ANGELS TO WORK AS HARD AS THEY DO FOR THE…

A wider Waffle House? If these exist all over, I may be able to make my Waffle House wedding reception dream come true.

I’m going to do it, Erin. You’ve inspired me.

Missed opportunity here. After the ambulance left, Dana should have asked the quartet, “Did you still want a pizza? Try praying for one. See how that works out for you.”

I want to know more about this couple. Like, did they first hook up because they each brought a statue of Jesus with them on the first date? Or was one relatively normal, but a few years into the marriage their spouse turned to them with a gleam in their eye and said “You know what would really spice up our trips to…

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

Me reading Freddy’s story, start to finish:

My oyster knife. I never have oysters at home; do I have it in case of a shellfish uprising?