OMG, I hope your grandma tries some of the drugs. And likes them.

My mom upon hearing Mitch McConnell say something or another on the radio: I should have kicked him in the balls when I had the chance.

My then-best-friend was terrified to bring her newborn son to my house for the same reason. I looked at her and said, "Are you serious!?"

The weirdest (funniest) part about the impaling was that I said something along the lines of, "Oh my god, no wonder you're upset! That must have been so awful to impale a living creature." My mom answered, "No, I'm upset about the chicken," then in growling hiss, "I would stab that skunk again in a heartbeat!"

I sort of feel bad for laughing (the impaling! The drowning!), but mostly, I don't, because this was awesome.

How do you drown a chicken with an eyedropper???

My mother grew up in the Bronx, but after I left home she and my (now deceased) stepfather decided to buy some acreage outside of New Paltz. She also decided she wanted to raise animals. Did I mention she was from the Bronx?

My best story about my mom happened a few years ago. My mom had breast cancer in the '80s and had a single mastectomy. She wears a prothesis, which feels like a jelly-filled shoulder pad. When I was a pre-teen I used to shove some of the older ones in my training bra and strut around the house with two right boobs.…

This is almost word for word the same conversation I had with my mother in law! And the cat literally could not give two fucks about the baby.

These are all so great! My funniest/strangest mom comment happened while I was on my way out with my best friend one Friday night in high school. My friend was outside in the car and I'd just put my jacket on and was saying goodbye to my mom when she suddenly stood up, grabbed my arm and asked me in a very worried…

My grandma says funnier things than my mom. For example, she said she didn't want to go to a nursing home because they would make her play with dogs and make them sit on her lap (I guess she had seen some segment on puppies cheering up the elderly). Which she thought was disgusting. She then posited that all dogs…

So mad I missed this thread! My mother is deathly afraid of birds. I don't know why, but this has always been her thing. So one day, my junior year of high school, I head a scream from the basement. My high school boyfriend and I go to the top of the stairs to see what's the matter. As it turns out, there was…

I lived with my grandmother for a good portion of my childhood. Ever since my grandpa died, it's like her filter has just disappeared. Some of my favorites:

Mom, upon crossing the border: "Canadians have to know so much about Americans, but we're ignorant about them. We should learn more about Canadia."

When I was 15 my grandma (who never swore) came to visit at Christmas. My mother, who has a mouth like a sailor, spent the whole week censoring herself. This was most noticeable in the car where, instead of calling people "motherfuckers" like usual, she called everyone "stinkers". My 11 year old brother and I were…

My mom asked me the same thing yesterday. She said her coworkers were making fun of her because she doesn't keep up with trends and she doesn't know who Johnny Depp is.

Last night we went out to dinner to celebrate Mothers Day since I work today. I took out my Mom and Dad to dinner at a diner and over the appetizer my Mom asked me what the book 50 Shades of Grey was about. I just said I had no idea and grabbed another piece of fried zucchini.

My 72 year old mother, just today:

I think the "bigot" one made me laugh the loudest because I just imagined the Mom running in in an apron, screaming it and then tending to a turkey.

My dad uses the phrase "whack off" or "whack it off" too and he has NO IDEA what it really means. He thinks it means something like "finish quickly" (hahahaha). So on several occasions when we are eating something and he is in a hurry he has told me or my brother, "Whack it off and let's get going!"